Those that know me know that I do not have the most praise worthy past. In grade school my teachers were at a loss on how to deal with this unruly child. My high school years were nonexistent (save one) because I had better things to do. My teenage years were spent chasing the next high and running from the five-oh as I would have called them. When I was twenty and near death or prison (whichever came first) I had an encounter with Jesus and the entire trajectory of my life changed. That is the Cliff notes version of my “testimony”.
I have told that story many times over the years. I like pointing to the power of God and his ability to change people. I like telling that story and people seem to enjoy hearing it. It does, after all, have many of the elements of a good story. Hoodlum kid makes good, I’ve seen that movie over and over again. The older I get the better the story gets too. Hoodlum kid goes to college. Hoodlum kid gets a great job. Hoodlum kid has a wife and 11 kids. But here’s the rub. The “better” the story gets the less inclined I am to tell it.
My hesitation to tell that story started around the time I finished college. It started when I found myself tempted to tell the story like this:
“I used to be a really rotten person and then I came to Jesus and he changed everything. I went to college and he gave me a fantastic job and a wonderful wife and wonderful kids.”
I was tempted to tell the story like this, because frankly it sounds very appealing. “Come to Jesus and he will make your life wonderful”. There's only one problem wth this story, it’s a pile of shit.
That is not the Jesus I came to all those years ago. The Jesus I came to did not promise me a wonderful life. He came after my eyes had been opened to the crushing reality of my sin. After I saw that my problem was not drugs nor the crimes I committed nor the fact that I couldn’t get my lazy butt out of bed and get a job. No, it was much more serious than that. I had turned my back on my Creator. I had thumbed my nose at the one who had only ever loved me. I had walked away and I deserved nothing better than hell. And just when I was at my lowest with no hope in myself to pay the price demanded, He came. He was murdered for me, the Son of God, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to repay that. I found peace and love and freedom, but in it there was no promise of earthly delights. To the contrary, there was the certainty of earthly troubles, but the promise of a life to come.
So now I will tell a new story. A story that is better suited to this good news.
My beautiful wife was holding our four year old boy, Josiah, when his body went limp. I could see in his face that something was terribly wrong. Panic set in as I desperately tried to remember where my cell phone was so that I could call 911. Somehow (I don’t remember how) I found it. I grabbed Josiah out of my wife’s hands and laid him on the floor while she dialed for help. Awkwardly I started the CPR that I barely remembered from the training I’d had 20+ years before. I pumped Josiah’s chest as I looked into his crystal blue eyes. They were lifeless, but I held out hope that he would come back. When I gave him breathes a foul smelling vomit would spill out. My 10 year old son stood over me watching all of this in a panic. It was like a dream. My wife and my son were sobbing and I was in a daze. In the midst of that I had a moment of clarity. I looked up at my son and I said “no matter what happens right now, if God brings him back or if God takes him it will be okay, God is in control”. God did take Josiah that day.
This story is not as glamorous, but it is the truth. In the midst of pain and grief there is hope in Christ. When we find ourselves on our knees, with the sound of sobbing filling our ears and the smell of vomit filling our nostrils, Christ is there. He is no stranger to blood and spit and tears. He endured that and more. And Christian you can be sure that this is not the end of the story. Trust him, for if you have died with him, with him you shall surely live.
Inspired by:
The New Story